Isaiah 28:23-29 & Mark 4
23 Listen and hear my voice;
23 Listen and hear my voice;
8 Let me say first that I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith in him is being talked about all over the world. 9 God knows how often I pray for you. Day and night I bring you and your needs in prayer to God, whom I serve with all my heart by spreading…
I haven’t been blogging on here very often in a very long time. There are too many reasons to explain why. I have not been in church since last year shortly after my uncle’s sudden death. I haven’t been struggling with my faith, but I have been going through a lot of unexplained changes. I had a lot of questions as to why I felt attacked in church and why certain things happened to me in church where I was lied to and made to believe things that were not true.
I might not ever get answers as to why certain things happened to me. But yesterday someone posted something on tumblr about a concern they had in a teaching in their own church. Out of no where I felt I had to respond and I definitely got an answer that even I had no idea it would answer my own questions. I understand why I felt like something was off at my church. I was replaced as a children’s bible teacher and was also replaced in the media department with no explanation. People at church were no longer reaching out to me. I knew it had something to do with what happened to me. It’s too much to explain right now really. I went through a lot of things and saw things and heard things that were very disturbing. I was warned by people that were leaving the church but I held on to forgiveness and knowing that God would prevail.
Gladly God gave me an opportunity to leave the church and I took it. I also thought that if God needed me there he would keep me there.
While I answered that post I saw on tumblr, I realized in reality what was really happening. Why I was treated differently, why no one was sincere with me and how some people made me believe that they were “chosen” and I was less than. There was a false sense of entitlement that I was being forced to adapt to and support. A word of mouth mentality that seemed non biblical at times and it seemed more like a command more than faith in action.
I have no other way to explain it. It was very twisted and tormenting to see other’s practicing it and others telling me that I was using God as a crutch. I’ve never considered God as a magical genie and I believe I’m lead by the spirit of God. In short, things that were not of God where trying to find a way into my life. I’m not perfect but I really didn’t need all the trouble that church was creating in my life.
I don’t know if church is right for me. I’m going to try to serve God everyday in my own life where ever and however he decides to lead me. In love of course, but a little more knowledgeable now in knowing that not all things are as they would want me to believe they are. If that makes any sense. I choose to live in truth and I make room for God to make all the corrections he needs to make.
There’s more I could say, but that’s it for now.
May God Bless You, lead you and keep you.
Not of myself, but by God’s mercy.
Not of myself, but by God’s love.
Not of myself, but by God’s sacrifice.
Not of myself, but by God’s forgiveness.
Not of myself, but by God’s election.
Not of myself, but by God’s calling.
Not of myself, but by God’s justification.
Not of myself, but by God’s sanctification.
Not of myself, but by God’s glorification.
Not of myself, but by God’s salvation.
Not of myself, but by God’s work.
Not of myself, but by God and God alone.